Self Care = Self Love

The magic you're looking for is in the "work" you're avoiding.

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Hello my loves 💓, its been way to long! I'm happy to be back with a new blog but on such an important topic. I love the esty talk and beauty but beauty is only skin deep, meaning beauty is not a guide for a persons character. I'm going to talk about how self care affects the character and ultimately the end goal of self love. We always have to start with the basics the roots are what helps us grow so let's understand what self care is.

self-care /ˌselfˈker/

noun

1. the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.

2. the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

There are two different definitions of self care but similar and they are both extremely important, critical in fact.

What is taking action to preserve ones health or improve it? It means to take care of yourself you MUST DO IT, your mental, physical, and spirit depends on it. Self care can look like getting your hair done, keeping up with your waxing and facials, setting goals and trying to accomplish them. Meditating daily, reading, there are many forms of self care its all based on you and that's the best part about it. You don't have to do what's on trend, you don't have to engage in the things you find to be mundane, you don't have to clout chase. Its literally what makes you happy, your very own serendipity. It should make you feel great, it should be a healthy and positive outlet so we're not talking about vices (Drinking,"Drugs",Retail therapy, Over-eating etc..) because ultimately a vice leads to a negative outcome; it may feel great in the moment but the long term outcome is detrimental. We want feel good positive actions for ourselves especially for some of us that are just starting this journey to bettering our lives; for some people that's getting up and taking a shower when you didn't even think you would make it out the bed. Its brushing your teeth, its brushing your hair, cleaning your room. Its telling yourself you're worthy. Sometimes life can become overbearing and we can feel completely overwhelmed and this is where we move into the second definition of self care.

Improving your well-being and happiness during periods of stress. we get stressed about so many things and lets be honest none of us was expecting 2020! L O L ! Like seriously we have to take a moment and laugh at the "this is my year" attitude we all had. 2020 said NOT IN MY HOUSE! lmao but I like to say 2020 was a blessing in disguise. When we get stressed we tend to fall apart, then getting out of bed becomes a task and its exhausting even washing your face, eating, cleaning and just living. That bare minimum becomes unbearable and it can drag you into a depression, not everyone is depressed who experience this but its absolutely a funk!

I want you all to understand how deep self care goes, it goes beyond looking good or smelling nice. Self care develops your character and your self worth. every time you conquer those things you need to do to take care of you, you feel amazing ! Its a dopamine shot straight to the brain and it all relied on you. You didn't need validation from your friends, parents, or most importantly in this day and age social media; you built it on your own and no one can take that away from you. I want you all to close your eyes and think of the moment you did something for yourself that you needed that you WANTED to do and accomplished it, remember how great it felt? It could be as simple as getting a much needed pedicure or as major as dropping a toxic habit. You can feel this feeling often you just have to take action! When you treat your self like gold it raises your price, your self worth goes up and others will have to respect it and meet you at that level. If they don't you can remove them from your life without any heartburn about it because you know your worth.

You show people how to treat you, people will only do to you what you allow. So you have to do the work to care for yourself in every way on every level. You have to show up for you , no one else can do it for you.

Consistency is key with self care, you have to be consistent you have to be disciplined. Not being consistent and self disciplined is a direct correlation to lack of self respect, a lack of self love! Think about the people you respect or how you handle important task at work, its because you have respect for them or the job. You have to have that same level of respect and urgency for yourself. Once again no one can show up for you but YOU.

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GET OUT OF THE STANDS AND GET IN THE GAME !

Alright we can't skip this part ! its so important because we don't want to block our blessings, this is ESSENTIAL my love. So sometimes we can find ourselves counting someone else accolades someone else coins, that's a no no! The worst part is while doing these things most people are criticizing the work efforts of others without even knowing them, what they been through and what it took for them to get there. Simply not even knowing the process to begin with because they're not even putting in the work themselves to even know what it takes or what that position feels like.

You'll judge and criticize yourself right out of your own blessings, this may be a coming to spirit moment for some of y'all whether you want to admit it or not at some level I hope it hits home for you if it's meant for you. When you feel that green eyed monster creeping up on you think about what its saying to you, when you start thinking those negatives thoughts and saying those not so nice things realize you're projecting and this is a reflection of your self. Dig DEEP and realize that you have some things to work on inside and its time to do the work its time to take action and heal what's broken inside. In French Montanas words "Happy ho's aint hatin and hatin ho's aint happy" 😆 moral of the story fix it sis! figure out why you're not happy, what's missing? What self care do you need to implement to feel that love tank up because its your job to make you happy, not your friends or your partner; YOU.

Honestly I believe we've all been there before I use to find myself doing it with celebrities long long ago, so it really takes for you to look within and check yourself and understand that what you're feeling and saying is your own pain that needs to be addressed and treated. Im quick to tell people that they need therapy lol and a lot of people become offended by that which I find to be shocking because I believe we all need therapy, its a lot of trauma that needs to be adressed and healed. Especially for my black people because we all know it comes from slavery for us,

its embedded in our DNA LITERALLY saying "trauma begins in the womb" is not a cute saying to tell you to stay calm while pregnant. It's a literal fact it has now become a gene in our DNA 🧬 which plays out in our life many different ways. The one I personally see the most is tearing each other down, due to that lack of self awareness and self love. Take accountability for yourself and your life. So with that being said that concludes the writing portion of my blog ! Please watch the video below where I go further into the topic and give you a little of my personal experiences and also where I tell you what got me through my toughest times, plus great book recommendations that I can honestly say if I had not read I wouldn't be in this position today. I truly hope you enjoyed and this touched your heart in some way, spread love always !

XOXO, Alexa 💓